They say, in death there is a chaos. Of non-coherent memories flashing through your eyes, reliving the flashback of your insignificant rotten life, escaping the the yield of what you sow in the graveyard of ruins. I say, in death there is peace. A perpetual relief from your sins, freedom from emotions and a relief from the fear of finally losing your dear life.Death never fascinated me. But, looking at what I lived and what I found in death, death is rather what I sought in life. Peace.
****
"....please , I beg of you. Let me go!!"
I could see the innocence , curled up in a mess underneath me. Tears bursting out on her face, heart bursting wails erupting from her throat. Was I turned on by her misery? Maybe I was. It was a pleasure to see ,the reason of all my sufferings, suffer.
Suddenly there was a burst of laughter, as I looked down at her.
"Did you really love me, huh??" she said as I watched her twist and twirl with inhuman force and I was thrown off with hysteric momentum.
All I could do was gasp in horror as I watched her transform into a huge bulbous mass, taking shape of a strange blood-0feasting weed like from a stupendous horror story. She looked up at me through bleeding eyes, smiling with bloodlust she gaped at me. With every bit of strength I tried to move and the sizzling reality hit me like a stone wall and I opened my eyes.
Relief!
It was jus a dream.
Panick!
What have I done?
I lay in my bed , looking up at the ceiling as the stink of rotten flesh filled my nostrils. The dream was still burning on the walls of my vision.
Listening to my heartbeat as it boomed in my ears, I followed the stink towards the basement. The room was filled with darkness and filthy reek and a rotting consequence of my deed. Descending the stairs, it felt like a vaccum being formed in my head, crushing my brain into nothingness. The reeking fume was intensifying as I descended and waves of nausea hit me like thunderstorm one after the other. Overcoming the surge to vomit I saw in the corner, a heap of decaying flesh, she lay. Just as I had left her.
****
We were once in love, that was a long time ago. We were in love like every other love story. Living for each other, finding heaven in each other's arms, never caring , but, for each other. Thats how sweet love is, a sweet lapse of reason.
But times change. So did she. Everything I did, Everything I sacrificed ceased to matter. She found her paradise with someone else.
But that was not the end of it.
One fine day, I called her up to my appartment, just one last meeting for the sake of a love that once existed.
She sat right beside me, holding my hand. She looked beautiful. As beautiful as ever. Only her eyes were now shadowed with shame, I saw no trace of love that once lived there. And like a psychotic madman, I pushed her on the floor and threw myself on her. She screamed for help, but there was noone to help her.
Undraping her like an animal, I plunged into her, and again and again. She cried, begging. But that didnt move me, she deserved what had come her way. I saw her twist and twirl under me, I had started enjoying her helplessness now. After all her efforts to plead had failed, she gave up. Her body became limp, all expressions from her face evapourated, her eyes staring blank at the ceiling. I carried on with my business.
And when I had fed my carnal hunger to its limit, I took the knife and slit her throat. Freeing her from the agony.
****
Her dreams have never left me since, her shadow is always lurking in the dark corner, looking at me with burning eyes.
Hatred I believe is a very underestimated emotion. It turned a man a beast without realisation.
The same knife lay on the floor in from of me, welcoming. I took it in my hand, slowly slicing away the veins in my wrist. Drifting away from all the consequences, from all my fears, I lay waiting for dear death to come .
They say, in death there is a chaos of reverberating reveries. I say, in death there is Peace.
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